Torture Techniques My Daughter Uses During Bedtime

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“Please don’t kick me!”

Has anyone else ever thought that they are living with a highly trained mini assassin? Ayla waits till the dead of night (when her opponents are at their weakest!) to inflict her full repertoire of torture techniques. This may sound extreme to some people but I’m telling you, you don’t know what it’s like…unless you do! Those of you who do, I feel your pain.

1) Pulled up by my eyelashes whilst being held down by my adam’s apple.

2) Managing to Chinese burn my arm….with her feet!

3) Jabbing her toe through my sleeping eye.

4) Peeling off my cuticles and bending fingernails away from the finger.

5) Prize eyelid open with one hand, poke in eye with the other.

6) Headbutt to the cheekbone

7) Being rocked with her feet on my back teetering on the edge of the slither of bed I am allowed.

8) Filling you full of false hope, letting you get out the door, slowly close it before hearing a soft whimper of “Dadda!”

9) Having your lips brushed with a tangle teaser whilst still asleep.

10) Spinning back hand to the cheek.

11) Index finger jabbed as far up my nose hole as possible with no warning.

12) Backheel to the face.

13) Stabbed in the back with her sharpest toenail. In my dream I was being shanked in prison.

Despite these torture terrors, the little tyke makes up for it all when she strokes my hair or wakes me with a little kiss to the ear, hovering over me with a smile.

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